DEAR ABBY: My friend has ended our friendship because my husband and I refused to end our friendship with her soon-to-be ex-husband.
All our friends (including the husbands of her other girlfriends) are supporting her in blaming the ex, including labeling him an abuser, financial user and narcissist.
I took the time to hear his version of why the marriage failed, and it’s not consistent with her side.
I don’t want to end our relationship with him, but my friend is demanding it as a condition for our friendship to continue. Please advise.
— CONDITIONAL IN COLORADO
DEAR CONDITIONAL: Your former friend is caught up in the turmoil of a failed marriage. She’s bitter, angry and trying to garner emotional support while at the same time hurting her soon-to-be ex.
You now understand what he may have been coping with during their marriage.
I hope she won’t succeed in isolating you, too, from mutual friends. If it does happen, you and your husband need to continue living your lives and broaden your social circle.
DEAR ABBY: I am blessed with two sons who live with me. They are in their mid-20s.
The younger one is an amazing young man. He’s strong, confident but not cocky, and happy. He’s in college, works part-time and plays in a band, among other things.
My older son is the opposite. Since he was 16, he’s had countless jobs and is (again) currently unemployed. He has been fired from every single job except one.
He always has some excuse to blame others for his failings. He thinks he’s smarter than the rest of us, thinks he knows better, etc.
I’ve tried to tell and show him the issue is with him, not his previous employers. He refuses to accept responsibility for anything wrong in his life.
I love him, but he is driving me crazy. I want to help him but, honestly, I’m over it. I’ve reached the point where it’s difficult to be civil to him.
The last time he was out of work lasted three months. When I gave him a “drop dead” date to find a job or I was kicking him out of the house, miraculously, he found one in the nick of time.
We are back at that point again. I hate to do it, but I need him to either straighten up or get out.
No matter what I do, I’m the bad guy — for enabling him or for forcing him out. I would love some advice.
— FED-UP MOM IN FLORIDA
DEAR MOM: Your son is no longer a child. He needs to learn to stand on his own two feet. Give him another deadline to find a job or be out from under your roof.
While he is employed, tell him you expect him to save enough money for a security deposit on a place to live.
Do not expect him to like it or be grateful to you for having subsidized him as long as you have. The biggest favor you can give him now is a chance to grow up.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.